The world has gone crazy. Even inside his own isolation and silence the world now heaped another silence on him.
He thought he now knew she was in love with Nick because she saw her painting, and he knew her work so well he thought the new lover was the bat and that's why she made every line one her best ever.
But he wanted to know for sure. He'd spent months asking no one, being told nothing. He was like a leper. No one knew him anymore. They pitied him, but they would not help him.
He wanted to know so badly was it really all over forever. If he could just hear her acknowledge that she was in love he could move on. He had mostly moved on, anyway, the first few months doing everything to get back to her. But she never looked. Then he got a chance to see her briefly and lost his composure.
Is there any chance, he thought. He'd come through some hells, but knew also he'd put her through some hells and could see why she deserved a happiness away from him. Still he wanted to ask for that last chance, but knew love is love, and if she was in love there was nothing left to do but wish her the best.
He had only been with her for over a decade and that hadn't changed. When he was told it was time to move on he literally couldn't even think of anyone else.
She looked radiant. Strong. Her work was thriving. Everyone loved her. But most of all, he loved her, too. Always had.
He would give her everything he had left in his heart and soul. He saw some things clearly he had not before.
But he had come far enough to know there really was no chance, and was willing to accept that. He just hadn't heard for sure.
He couldn't say he loved her or was so sorry any more than he already had. All he could ever do was let her know he tried to change the things that had gone wrong, and did his best. He only remembered the good that had happened, and was in anguish that he had the love of his life beside him and pushed her away.
If she was happy he wanted her to be happy. Letting him know she was would be a merciful act that would give him peace, not anxiety, and help him move on.
I love you. Always.
